twitter is the most fun. i'm @vhsrobot and i tweet offensive/inappropriate things sometimes. be prepared if you plan on following me.
1. It's fun to go "BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!" as you back your bum up to the toilet. Anyway, I'm a pretty lonely person. - @robdelaney
2. This Vodka tastes like future bad decisions. - @boymeetsworld
3. I'm not the queen of England. OF COURSE I've used a paper towel as toilet paper. - @shelbyfero
4. You guys are like the imaginary friends I never had. - @themanwife
5. Throwing away one empty coffee cup from my car to make room for the next is the closest I've gotten to experiencing 'the circle of life.' - @hipstermermaid
6. What if . . . robots could fart. - @acrocksyo
7. I want to make meth. Not to sell or smoke or anything, just like a little crafty thing I want to get into. - @sucittam
8. Now I'm in Arkansas and I can't figure out how my life went so wrong. - @michaelianblack
9. Always be yourself, unless you can be a unicorn. Then always be a unicorn. - @imlesliechow
10. Thank you Newt Gingrich for ruining my Valentines Day by telling America that you are going to have sex during it. - @shewhobabbles
And my 10 most popular recent tweets. Because I'm vain. Also, these are 10 reasons you should follow @vhsrobot on twitter.
1. Me at 8 pm: "we should order a bigger pizza so we'll have some to eat at 4 am." Me at 3:55 am: "I'm a goddamn genius."
2. i like everything called cake. except urinal cakes.
3. Titanic has given me life-long trust issues. YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER FUCKING LET GO, ROSE.
4. I hate when people get all philosophical and inspirational on twitter. I'm here for the fart jokes, guys!
5. Friday 4 AM: "Ooh I got an email!" *student loan bill reminder* *throws computer across room*
6. Reasons Jagged Little Pill is the album of our generation: 1. Telling off Joey Gladstone 2. Rampant misuse of the word "irony"
7. I don't understand Glee fans who don't hate Glee at least as much as they love it.
8. Virgins bum me out.
9. Sometimes I rap to myself while I'm cooking ramen to distract from how pathetic my life is.
10. Dear twitter, we as a group are incredibly RUDE. We should work on that.